Is it worth it?

While cataloging all of my fantastic qualities (God-complex much?) and trying to slim them down and put them into a two page collection of bullshit that I call my personal statement I realized; I have NO clue why I want to be a doctor... OK, 50,000 dollars, a billion volunteer hours, missed parties, shadowing on SUNDAYS (who does that) and several nights spent at the library studying for ten plus hours being extremely tired grabbing a cup of coffee and still going --and I dont know WHY im doing it? Lets see: I want to help people.. dont we all? I could save myself a 100 thousand plus and work at a homeless shelter that would be a hell of a lot cheaper and it would do wonders for my sanity. I want money? well no thats not why I want to be a doctor at all, i want to be an infectious disease doctor they make less than family practice so that cant be it. Power- ive never been one to assert authority over people its just not in my nature I want everyone to get along-sorta. Is it the shiny white coat? well, yea maybe but that cant be the entire reason... right? I realized I dont have an amazing story to tell. Sure, ive experienced death of a loved one, ive seen the fear in a patients eyes before surgery and even right before death, ive seen them bag a body, I've experienced the joy of telling a patient she was cancer free, but none of that is the exact reason why I decided I was going to kiss away a social life and family and pursue this. It must be the most important thing to me because its all I think about and I've sacrificed a lot. I've even opted to pay for my own college and work when I could be at home living off of my family. So I know there has got to be something I know I genuinely want to be a doctor but I just cant put it into words....

----If only I could tell the admissions committee that.

Running

Why do we run? 

It seems as if when im faced with a difficult situation my instincts are to run. To simply drop everything and everyone I care about and run away. I leave all responsibilities and friends and start anew. Why do I have this instinct to just leave? How, can I have the ability to detach myself from family/friends that I once cared about and simply forget them all together. 

I have to wonder if I will get into medical school. It seems as if its been my dream since I can remember and I know I have a great shot at getting in, but what if im not good enough? What if I get rejected. Will I simply run away like I always do? Or will I face the rejection and push forward to get in. What can I possibly do with a biology degree? 

 I guess only time will tell. Until then I guess ill continue the endless volunteer/research/shadowing... 

WHY so serious?

Is it just me or are pre-med students a whole other breed or even species if you will when it comes to the realm of collegiates. I am beginning to wonder if having an interest in medicine means to insert a long probe like object into your anus and leave it there for your remaining college career. What about being "pre-med" entitles a student to a sense of grandious behaviour?
Case in Point: Today being the friendly collegiate pre med that I am I was handing out flyers for the pre-med society social gathering( ok yes I admit it I am in a pre-med society and I am a bit ashamed, but hey im social). This gathering includes trying to round up more gunner students to pay dues to me so I can go on fancy trips to medical schools and such. Its all very legit. I meet a student who is obtaining a liberal arts degree and was considering medicine. I was excited that this person was not a robotic, question asking, cut-throat, typical type A like the others. We began talking and I made sure to invite this student to the aforementioned end of the year bash. A fellow pre med officer decides to take it upon himself to degrade this person because they were a liberal arts major whom appearantly wasnt smart enough to make the cut. ( I mean REALLY? your a pre-medical society officer; could you have a more socially embarassing title) Also because this person in question did not have their own special spot at the library and didnt obstain from all things social and good they just didnt have what it takes.
OK, since when is having the ability to function in other subjects besides science a bad thing? Would it be horrible if doctors not only wrote orders but did so with flawless sentence structure and adequate spelling? Is is bad if someone other than the typical gunner, socially awkward student would like to wear a fancy white coat and prescribe medications. ( while i know there is more to being an M.D the white coat and prescription pad are the two main contributing factors behind my application, dont lie and say your not impressed) With that being said this certain pre-med student proceeded to leave the room and fall on his ass making the world somehow seem right again. BTW could I have used the term pre-med anymore? geez...........