Is it worth it?

While cataloging all of my fantastic qualities (God-complex much?) and trying to slim them down and put them into a two page collection of bullshit that I call my personal statement I realized; I have NO clue why I want to be a doctor... OK, 50,000 dollars, a billion volunteer hours, missed parties, shadowing on SUNDAYS (who does that) and several nights spent at the library studying for ten plus hours being extremely tired grabbing a cup of coffee and still going --and I dont know WHY im doing it? Lets see: I want to help people.. dont we all? I could save myself a 100 thousand plus and work at a homeless shelter that would be a hell of a lot cheaper and it would do wonders for my sanity. I want money? well no thats not why I want to be a doctor at all, i want to be an infectious disease doctor they make less than family practice so that cant be it. Power- ive never been one to assert authority over people its just not in my nature I want everyone to get along-sorta. Is it the shiny white coat? well, yea maybe but that cant be the entire reason... right? I realized I dont have an amazing story to tell. Sure, ive experienced death of a loved one, ive seen the fear in a patients eyes before surgery and even right before death, ive seen them bag a body, I've experienced the joy of telling a patient she was cancer free, but none of that is the exact reason why I decided I was going to kiss away a social life and family and pursue this. It must be the most important thing to me because its all I think about and I've sacrificed a lot. I've even opted to pay for my own college and work when I could be at home living off of my family. So I know there has got to be something I know I genuinely want to be a doctor but I just cant put it into words....

----If only I could tell the admissions committee that.